Halloween has its roots in the Celtic feast of ‘Samhain’ which marked the end of summer and transition into winter. The Celts also believed Samhain to be a time when the boundary between this world and the next was thinnest, a time for communion with the dead. For the Celts, this was a time to acknowledge beginnings and endings, and to reflect on the cycle of life and death.
For our ancestors, death was much more commonplace, and it’s associated rites, rituals, and customs were an accepted and unavoidable part of living. In our modern society contact with death and dying is much rarer and generally sits outside the usual workings of society. We are far more distant in our relationship with death and dying, and what is distant and unfamiliar to us can be frightening.
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Fear is a fundamental human emotion. Emotions are signals or messages, information to pay attention to. Fear is a natural response triggered by perceived danger or threat and serves to protect us by preparing the body for a response. It is instinctive and automatic, and although often unpleasant, it is there to keep us safe.
The problem can be that we often feel fear when there is no danger or threat. The key word here is perceived danger. Unlike other animals, we humans have the ability to experience fear in response to both the present-moment and anticipated or imagined events (this is anxiety). You can imagine something frightening or threatening and, on some level, you’ll respond as-if it is real.
We often distance ourselves from and defend against unpleasant feelings and emotion. We might ignore or deny, avoid, minimise, rationalise, etc. We might change our behaviour or aspects of ourselves. We’ll pretty much do anything we can to not feel unpleasantness. This can become limiting for us. Ignoring our feelings doesn’t make them go away, they just go underground, where they still influence us in ways that are much less obvious. They become less familiar, and the unfamiliar can be frightening.
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The legacy of ancient rites, rituals, and customs can be seen in the present day, where part of the fun of Halloween involves evoking fear and parodying death. The scarier the better.
For children, dressing up as scary monsters is a form of play, and might allow children to confront and come to terms with the unfamiliar and frightening. For adults, who also may dress up, social conventions relax, and licence is permitted to indulge in childlike pleasures, trickery, and games. For all, it is an opportunity for imagination and play, and to reconnect with death and dying. This is an act of turning towards what we have become distanced from.
Like with death and dying, feelings should not be feared but welcomed and come to terms with as a natural part of living. When we can learn to turn towards rather than away from, we can begin to listen to and make sense of the messages and signals feelings are giving us.
This can be a useful experience for people and is a common task in therapy and self-reflection. It might involve paying attention to your experiences (thoughts, emotions, feelings, fantasies, dreams, behaviour, etc.); expressing or putting words to these experiences, writing or verbalising and hearing these things out loud; and giving yourself the opportunity to listen to these messages without judging them or yourself.
Counselling and psychotherapy can provide a space to explore feelings safely, examine our defences and typical or repeating patterns or responses, learn to tolerate unpleasant or uncomfortable feelings, and for us to make sense of and integrate our experiences. The more familiar we are with these experiences, the less frightening they might become.
David Oldfield 